Asking for help is a sign of strength

Growing up, my parents taught me to be strong, confident and independent. These qualities were ingrained in me so much so that I thought having the opposite traits would be a bad thing. The idea of asking for help was alien.

This holds true for many of us. We believe that asking for support means we are dependent on someone else, or worse, we are weak and uncertain of ourselves. So instead, we try to do everything on our own and in the end, we feel good for accomplishing something that was near impossible.

Why we hesitate to ask

There are many reasons people don’t like asking for help. In 2017, a study examined factors that prevented depressed men from seeking help. Here were some of the reasons

Assumption 1

It’s a sign of weakness. If I’m not able to do it on my own then it is probably because of a lack of skills and resources.

Assumption 2

The problem isn’t worth getting help for. If I try, I might be able to solve it on my own even if I feel the opposite.

Assumption 3

If I ask someone for help, I might have to help them in return. What if I don’t want to be in that situation?

Assumption 4

I might be a burden if I ask someone for help. We all lead busy lives so can someone help me if I can’t help myself?

You will notice that most of these judgments are internally perceived irrelevant of the external situation. Emotions like fear and pride are often the root cause of the problem. Our own ego doesn’t allow us to ask for help and we worry that admitting that we have problems will be a huge blow to our self-esteem. In the end, we are either convinced that we are not worthy of help or if someone tries to help, they would only let us down.

How to ask for help?

“ The strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it ” - Rona Barett

It may feel like a very difficult thing to do, asking for help but we should allow ourselves to accept help when we need it. There are times when we don’t have the answers or need moral support and that’s ok. All we need to say is, “I’m struggling with something” or “I have a problem that could do with your help”. There’s no need to jump to a conclusion and assume that the person is in no position to help you, yet. It might feel difficult in the start but reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness, but strength.